How lucky am I to be spending it in the sunshine and surf of the South Coast in KZN, in the company of my hubbylicious and precious friends and family.
Any birthday over the age of 30 (okay maybe I started at 25) is cause for pausing, contemplating, reviewing all that's been and dreaming of all that is to come. So at 33, I find myself in a strange limbo state. A place where I wonder some times, is there really any point to it all, a purpose, a plan? Or are we perhaps just all navigating a maze of life and it is merely the navigation that is the value and worth of the entire journey. The crazy ups and downs being purely a by product, the necessary geography of the path you have chosen or which has been assigned to you. But then there are moments where I find myself knee-deep in the wonder of God's grace and provision, overwhelmed by magical moments of fulfillment and serenity, the simple and pure pleasures of joy and hope and family and love.
As I am a list kind of a person, I decided to make a few lists for myself to mark where I find myself on the road of my journey through this mad and magical thing we call LIFE.
My List of HIGHLIGHTS
> Probably one of my most precious and vivid memories and a major highlight of my three decades and three years, was the day I married my man, my maatjie, my mister. I can hardly believe I get to do life with such an incredible partner, who fills every breath of every day with so much vigour and verve. I easily choke up at the thought of all the extraordinary experiences and memories we have shared to date. Our wedding was magical and perfect, I had all that I could have dreamed of including a 10 piece brass band, my chosen pastor, a gorgeous dress, a beautiful ceremony, all my family in attendance and the most perfect partner any girl could ask for. We tangoed for our first dance (complete with wardrobe change), our cake was a chocolate fountain (which has a story for another day) and hubby sang me a song he had written for the two of us, it was a wonderfully special day.
> Contrary to popular conviction, I thought school was a great experience. I look back very fondly on my school years, (it does constitute over a decade of my life!) I really enjoyed being academic and was good at it, receiving academic colours and high grades all through my school career. I suppose I was always a bit of a nerd who adored new stationery, summaries, lists and languages. I love being mentally engaged, challenged and creative, but I'll admit anything mathematically oriented I am not so gifted at!
> If hubby and I could get a job that had us travelling all over the world together, I know we'd jump at it. I love every memory I have of our travels. Before our honeymoon I had never been out the country apart from Swaziland! So when we spent our first days as husband and wife in Phuket, I fell in love with travelling and exploring. Our honeymoon itself is a huge highlight for me and I could tell you all about it for days, but we were also blessed to travel together to New Zealand, Los Angeles, New York and several other states in the USA. In SA itself I can't resist a road trip to anywhere, and we've been blessed to see so much of our beautiful country. It's safe to say I hope for many more opportunities of travel to come, especially to Europe. (France is my dream, perhaps with Italy thrown in as a bonus)
> I am not privileged to be called mom yet, but am a very proud aunty of two beautiful little girls whom I adore. However, about 6 years ago, we purchased a furry ball of golden retriever cuteness named Eli and I cannot tell you how much joy he has brought into our home and lives. There are so many Eli stories I can think of, but they would need a blog post all on their own. Suffice to say, he is my golden boy and will always be a huge highlight to us.
> I am very proud of the fact that I completed and attained my B Com Degree whilst earning as a working professional. I steadily completed my 3 year degree over 7 years of studies, completing on average 3-5 modules per semester. I'd be studying in my dressing room in between scenes of Chicago or We Will Rock You, or while waiting in an audition room, or opting to go home early for studies when my friends were out on the town. I even wrote some of my exams at a beautiful university in Auckland, New Zealand when we were touring there. It took major commitment and I am really proud that I stuck with it to see the end.
> Being a home owner with hubby is something I sometimes easily take for granted. But I've realised that it is something I truly cherish. I love knowing that we committed to something so big years ago, and through many trials and changes have been able to call this place our home, our property. Knowing that you can make a place your own and take care of its upkeep and care, indulging in its privacy and quiet and sharing it with someone who has hitched his wagon to yours. You're certainly in it together when you own property together.
> My wonderfully vibrant and varied career in the entertainment industry. From my years as a professional ballerina, a contemporary artist, a musical theatre performer, a vocalist, an actress, a dancer, a voice artist, a presenter, a production manager and cast coordinator, an arts ambassador and ministry leader, a choreographer, a director, a writer, a coach, a teacher, a mentor and business owner. It certainly has not been a dull road thus far and there have been so many highlights throughout the years. It would take forever to list them all, but they are all there - like gems glittering in my memories, some brighter than others but all precious in their own way.
> My 15 years of surviving adulthood. I don't think I ever imagined the struggles, stress and pressure people face when they are suddenly faced with the mundane things of becoming an adult... employment, income and expenditure, taxes and traffic fines, medical and retirement, living arrangements and upkeep, marriage and mortgages, budgeting, groceries and housekeeping. We wave it off as just part of the territory, but learning how to juggle it all, to share it all as husband and wife, and especially to not allow it to sour your day, to turn you bitter and jaded, to not bitch about the government and the raw deal we've all got - that takes some doing and I'm gladly not alone in it all.
> I tried to remember what my earliest memory might be. Most of my memories of my early childhood are triggered by photographs or are in fact stories my parents have told me that I never could have known or remembered otherwise. But I do have wonderful memories of holidaying with my family in St Francis Bay and Humansdorp. I remember the Venter trailer filled with everything but the kitchen sink for our month holiday every December, I remember the smell of the St Francis house, the bunk beds and the braais, the special Christmases we'd have their with our cousins, heaps of gifts under the tree, food and laughter, learning a deep love and respect for the ocean, my Dad catching an octopus and looking like he fought in a bar fight, late night fishing and cooking 'alikreukels' (periwinkles) Dad had snorkeled, seeing dolphin schools and fluorescence, playing tv games and 'tollietjie brei', oupa's VCR videos and long walks on Paradys, the local cafe, ice creams and surfers, the sun, the surf and the soul.
> I remember all the animals we ever owned but there are two doggies of my youth that remain close to my heart. When we were younger we owned a Corgy cross Alsatian named Oortjies, who I kind of adopted as my own, so when she became so old she couldn't handle the thunder storms anymore she would sleep on my bed. I remember the crazy storm the night before we had to have her put down and how I had wept. Then there was a naughty brown eyed boxer, Hazel, the most beautiful dog. She was so energetic and alive and a big part of the family. When she was no more, my sisters and I had a little plaque made for her and it has moved with my parents to their new home in remembrance of her.
> I have many special memories of loved ones who have left us. Memories of my father's parents, my graceful Ouma Elsje who was always an absolute lady, my lovable Oupa Hannes who I remember sharing many kitchen conversations with, my dear Uncle Lindsay who left us so suddenly and also recently my father-in-law Pappa Carl, a man with such a big soft heart and an infectious smile.
> I hold vivid memories of all of my days living my passion. Every time I have stepped on stage or screen, as a sylph or a swan, as a drunken aunt or a rat queen, as a 1920's flapper or a merry murderess, in plastic or fishnets, in commercials or film, in an audition room or at the sound of 'action', it's all part of a beautiful tapestry of memories that I am beyond grateful for.
> My unshakable relationship and marriage with my unbelievable beau. I know I've already gushed about him, it's just that I know how rare it is to find what I have. How many would give anything to share the love I have with this man with someone. What I have in him is the anchor and pillar of my life, it is profound and it is precious and I will forever give thanks for the gift that we share.
> I am incredibly grateful for my wonderful childhood and upbringing. I have two unbelievably loving and supportive parents who have through my three decades of becoming me, always encouraged me, supported me, allowed me to dream and hope, to try and fail, to laugh and trust, to cry and curse, to hear the tough love, to feel the kind comfort, to always know that I'm loved, that I have a home, that I am someone of significance and that life is not all about me but about the thin thread of Love that runs through all of us, that we are made whole by each other and given meaning by our shared experiences and spirits.
> My health and well being is something I'll never take for granted. The fact that I can run and dance and walk and yoga and stretch and jump and ache. That I can see the wonder of the ocean and the eyes of my loved ones, that I can hear the sweetness of melodies and the crack of thunder, the smells of summer and the touch of soft blankets. I am grateful for my body and the wellness I enjoy.
> My gifts, skills and talents which have made it possible for me to do whatever I set my mind on doing. My ability to overcome and adapt. My ability to learn and grow. My ability to lead and follow. My ability to read and write and calculate, to strategise and organise, to plan and execute, to review and improve. My active and imaginative mind and all its faculties. I am wonderfully and fearfully made, and so grateful for it.
- More physicality, exercise and fitness. I know it's cliche, but it is something I have sort of allowed to drift out of my life. Having been so active as a professional dancer earlier in my career I took for granted how physical I was every day and didn't have to do much else to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Now, I often end up behind a laptop for weeks or in a car, or teaching and coaching or auditioning or on set, so making time and commitment for regular and intense exercise became less of a priority. I want to recommit myself to the importance of this element in my life and create healthy routines I can enjoy and sustain.
- More positive programming of my thoughts and words. I know that if I can train my mind to see and affirm the good around me, to affirm even that which I do not yet see, that it will help me to live from a place of hope and possibility, with faith in every circumstance.
- More spontaneity. I want to allow myself to be more free, to do things without pre-planning to the extent of a royal dinner. To sometimes just do before I think, before I can list the many reasons why something may not work or the precautions I should take. To not take it all so seriously, to laugh at myself and remove doubt and hesitation from my being.
- More action steps, whether strategic or not, but actively pursuing goals, going out and trying things. If I fail, so be it. If it doesn't work out, too bad. I might surprise myself and fill my days with productivity and results.
My List of LESS OF'S
> Worry. I can be such a worrier. Worry about my students, worry about dinner, worry about work, worry about finances, worry about family, worry about the future, worry about what to wear next Saturday, worry about a conflict that has or may occur, worry about taking out the trash, worry about my furry child, worry worry worry. I don't see it as worry of course, it's just the strategic contemplation of the building blocks of my days... but in reality it's really just worry! This break has allowed me to breathe a little and decide to worry less. To rather replace these thoughts of worry with thoughts and proclamations of hope.
> Overthinking and questioning. I really can over-analyse to the point of paralysis. So I aim to stop questioning each thing, each step, each occurrence and rely on my faith in the puzzle of it all. To trust, to breathe and metaphorically just let it all go every now and again.
> Excuses. I tend to talk myself out of or even into things. Justifying to myself why I can't make it to the gym or why I don't have time to make a healthy meal. Or why I shouldn't expect certain things to come my way, or why I can't have or be something. Now, no more excuses, only results.
> Settling. It's not okay. It's not okay when people make negative comments about others or the country or their circumstances in my presence. I can and should bring positivity into conversations I am part of. It's not okay to settle for mediocrity or second-best or half-measure, sometimes more is more. I want to do and be exceptionally, to push past where I think I can, to new heights and possibilities beyond comforts and limitation.
The reality is that no person in this world 'has it easy' or can go through life without bumps, bruises or heart aches, but we can choose to look at where we are and what we have, through the eyes of the One who guides us day in and day out. He who provides when there is seemingly no way, no solution, no means and no hope. The One who can in an instant bring you a joy you have longed for, an answer you have prayed for, a peace and fulfillment you have long since forgotten can exist for you.
This year, on this birthday, I really want to try to just be, to just breathe and to just believe in the promise of tomorrow, the hope and the joy it may bring.
I'm holding onto these words for the last two months of 2015...
You have to demand what you really want from yourself—and use your will to hold the image on the screen of your intellectual mind.
- Sandy Gallagher - CEO and President of Proctor Gallagher Institute
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